Quiéreme como quiero que me quieras.

No tenía ninguna fe en que ocurriera lo que deseaba, y sabía que sin fe no ocurriría. Sabía que sin fe no ocurre nada de lo que debería ocurrir, y con fe casi siempre tampoco.

Cuando he hablado sobre ti a otros,
estoy segura que te han odiado.
Nunca podrían ocupar tu lugar.
Por eso evito nombrarte,
a veces te omito de mi historia,
niego haberme enamorado alguna vez.
Así nadie te odia.
Así sólo yo te recuerdo.

This is my least favorite life
The one where I am out of my mind

The one where you are just out of reach
The one where I stand and you fly

Real love is not about getting into someone’s life,
make them feel special,
make them addicted to your presence
and then leave them shattered
and lonely for someone else.

Real love is indestructible,
It stays in the heart and soul forever and ever because it’s a fire that never burns out.

-Aarti Khurana

If you’re with her and you wish you were elsewhere then leave.

One of the cruellest things you can do to a person is make them feel like home when to you they’re only temporary.

We all deserve adoration and undistracted attention.

We all deserve to feel complete. 

If you can’t give her your whole heart, then don’t you dare hold it hostage. 

— Beau Christopher Taplin

Preppy

Preppy por aquabarb con mary-janes

Chicwish shirts blouse
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Sandro mini skirt
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Jessica Simpson mary jane
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Oasis gold purse
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Gemstone jewelry
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Ray-Ban ray ban glasses
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Yves Saint Laurent eye makeup
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Charlotte Tilbury lips makeup
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She s So matte lipstick
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“No te enamores de una persona curiosa. Querrá saber quién eres, de dónde vienes, cómo es tu familia. Mirará todas tus fotografías y leerá todos tus poemas. Vendrá a cenar y hablar con tu madre acerca de cómo su curiosidad le ha enseñado cosas muy útiles. Te pedirá que explotes cuando estás enojado y que llores cuando estás herido. Te preguntará qué significa esa ceja levantada. Querrá saber tu comida favorita, tu color favorito, tu persona favorita. Te preguntará por qué. Va a comprar esa cámara que te gustó, prestará atención a esa banda que amas en caso de que haya un show cerca, te llevará ese suéter al que le sonreíste una vez. Aprenderá a cocinar tus comidas favoritas. Los curiosos no se conforman con el exterior, desean el interior. Ellos quieren lo que te hace pesado, lo que te hace sentir incómodo, lo que te hace gritar de alegría, ira, y de angustia. Su piel se convertirá en páginas en las que aprenderás a derramar tu ser. No te enamores de una persona curiosa. No dejará un suspiro sin explicación. Querrá saber qué hizo exactamente, qué hizo para que la amaras. Año, mes, día, semana “¿A qué hora fue? ¿Qué dije? ¿Qué hice? ¿Cómo te sentiste?“ No te enamores de una persona curiosa, porque he estado allí. Desabrochará tu camisa y leerá cada cicatriz, cada marca, cada curva. Explorará cada una de tus extremidades, cada órgano, cada pensamiento, cada ser.”

I can be a total bitch or I can be the sweetest girl you'll ever meet. 

I can also be in between, but not for long.

I'm no an "in between" girl.

Le petit prince

Bien sûr je te ferai mal.
Bien sûr tu me feras mal. 
Bien sûr nous aurons mal.
Mais ça, c’est la condition de l’existence.
Se faire printemps, c’est prendre le risque de l’hiver.
Se faire présent, c’est prendre le risque de l’absence…

C’est à mon risque de peine que je connais ma joie.

“Privada del habla, deseó que la besara, que la agarrara de la mano y la atrajera hacia él. No importaba dónde. En la boca, en el cuello, en la mejilla. Tenía toda la piel libre para él, a la espera”

Un día llegará el día. El día de abrazarte, de desnudarte por fin de tanta ropa y tanta espera.

I can't be that girl whose only motivation is to wait for you to come home everyday.

Je crains d’être vulnérable car j’oublie qui je suis, et « vulnérable » n’est pas ce que je suis.

“Te pasas toda la vida atorado en el laberinto, pensando en cómo vas a escapar de ahí un día y qué fabuloso será; imaginar ese futuro te mantiene con vida, pero nunca te escapas. Sólo utilizas el futuro para escapar del presente"

- Looking for Alaska. John Green. 

My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am seventeen years old. My home is District 12. I was in the Hunger Games. I escaped. The Capitol hates me.

My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am seventeen years old. My home is district 12. I was in The Hunger Games. I escaped. The captiol hates me. Peeta was taken prisoner. He is thought to be dead. Most likely he is dead. It is probably best if he is dead.

My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am seventeen years old. My home is District 12. There is no District 12. I am the Mockingjay. I brought down the Capitol. President Snow hates me. He killed my sister. Now I will kill him. And then the Hunger Games will be over.

Cómo anular a una persona

Ana Cristina Aristizabal Uribe 

El peor daño que se le hace a una persona es darle todo. Quien quiera anular a otro solo tiene que evitarle el esfuerzo, impedirle que trabaje, que proponga, que se enfrente a los problemas (o posibilidades) de cada día, que tenga que resolver dificultades.

Regálele todo: la comida, la diversión y todo lo que pida. Así le evita usar todas las potencialidades que tiene, sacar recursos que desconocía y desplegar su creatividad. Quien vive de lo regalado se anula como persona, se vuelve perezosa, anquilosada y como un estanque de agua que por inactividad pudre el contenido.

Aquellos sistemas que por "amor" o demagogia sistemáticamente le regalan todo a la gente, la vuelven la más pobre entre las pobres. Es una de las caras de la miseria humana: carecer de iniciativa, desaprovechar los talentos, potencialidades y capacidades con que están dotados casi todos los seres humanos.

Quien ha recibido todo regalado se transforma en un indigente, porque asume la posición de la víctima que sólo se queja. Cree que los demás tienen obligación de ponerle todo en las manos, y considera una desgracia desarrollarse en un trabajo digno.

Es muy difícil que quien ha recibido todo regalado, algún día quiera convertirse en alguien útil para sí mismo. Le parece que todos a su alrededor son responsables de hacerle vivir bien, y cuando esa "ayuda" no llega, culpa a los demás de su "desgracia" (no por anularlo como persona, sino por no volverle a dar). Solo los sistemas más despóticos impiden que los seres humanos desarrollen toda su potencialidad para vivir. Creen estar haciendo bonito, pero en definitiva están empleando un arma para anular a las personas. (No quiere decir que la caridad de una ayuda temporal no sea necesaria en momentos especiales).

Amnesia Disociativa

Todo lo que he vivido, lo que he visto, lo que he oído… todo me pertenece. Todo es mío.

Desde pequeña tengo el hábito de escribir lo que siento, lo que me ha pasado. Por eso una de las cosas que más aprecio tener es un diario que me regalaron cuando cumplí 10 años. Es pequeñito, de Hello Kitty de Sanrio, color rojo. En un mes cumplo 20 años. Ahí tengo plasmada mi vida por temporadas y me encanta leerlo de principio a fin. Me causa gracia que se notan diferentes patrones de personalidad muy propios y que no han variado mucho a lo largo de los años. Sin embargo, algo que me hace mucho ruido es que suelo escribir cuando estoy triste, molesta o “existencialista”. Me he dado cuenta de que escribo las cosas tristes o desafortunadas para recordar que pasaron, para saber que el dolor no está tan lejos.
Escribo para saber que he vivido.

Desde muy pequeña me tocó madurar y ser fuerte. Nunca pude encajar totalmente con mis compañeros con infancias felices y madurez acorde a su edad. Tuve problemas sobre mí que no debía tener un niño normal, y por eso cuando veía a mis compañeros jugando y riendo despreocupadamente, me sorprendía y me molestaba conmigo misma por no ser como ellos. Con todo esto quiero decir que por todo lo que me ha tocado vivir, creo que tengo un pequeño trauma que nunca me ha permitido recordar lo malo. Realmente se me olvida, me es casi imposible recordarlo. Al pensar en mi pasado sólo veo una gran y densa neblina. Los años se juntan y se hacen un todo incierto.

Paso gran parte de mi tiempo tomando fotografías y luego viéndolas una y otra vez.
Para que el recuerdo no se escape. Para sentir los momentos.
Todo lo siento tan fugaz, tan lejano aunque yo esté ahí.
Siento que la vida se me escapa como arena entre los dedos.

Requiero de un gran esfuerzo diario para recordarme que estoy viva.

Recordar que he vivido y que todo me pertenece.

I hope someday you're as happy as you're pretending to be.

"No me preocupa estar sola, me preocupa estar con la persona equivocada

Puedo estar sola. De hecho, me gusta.

No comenzaré una relación sólo porque sí, como esas personas que como no saben lo que quieren se quedan con lo que ven. 

Decidí que no estaría con nadie más hasta encontrar a alguien que realmente lograse fascinarme. 

No me comprometeré con un hombre sólo porque es mejor eso que nada." 

Mi corazón estalla por tu amor 

Y tú que crees que esto es muy normal 

Acostumbrado estás tanto al amor 

Que no lo ves, yo nunca he estado así.

102 preguntas tontas

1.       Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

I think the last person who said they loved me was my best friend, Angela, so yeah, she totally meant it. :)

2.       Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

I’d say I’d never date someone my age or younger that me… But actually, I’m crushing on a guy that’s probably 18 so… maybe. I’m turning 20 in about two months.

3.       When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

Probably when I took the decision of quitting studying Journalism and start Medicine.

4.       Would you ever smile at a stranger?

Some years ago, I used to smile randomly at strangers but now I don’t do that ‘cause it makes me a little nervous. And it confuses them.

5.       Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

Uhm, yeah I could say so… One of my friends is in love with me so when he hears me talking about this guy I like, he gets really mad.

6.       Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

Not today but yesterday. I was listening to Coldplay – Viva la vida. I met my last boyfriend because we played that song at a talent show at our school, and that song always reminds me of him.

7.       What exactly are you wearing right now?

I’m wearing pajama shorts and a blue t-shirt.

8.       How often do you listen to music?

Everyday.

9.       Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

I always wear jeans, sometimes I wear leggings but never sweats.

10.   Do you think your life will change dramatically in 2015?

TOTALLY! I’m about to start studying Medicine in May, so it’s gonna be a huge change in my life.

11.   Are you a social or an antisocial person?

I’m definitely not antisocial but I’m quite quiet so I don’t pass as a really “social” person either. Just with my friends and people I’m comfortable with.

12.   Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

Yes.

13.   What about ‘R’?

Nope.

14.   Can you drive a stick shift?

No haha, I can barely drive an automatic.

15.   Do you care if people talk badly about you?

I don’t like when someone talks badly about me but I don’t really care about it. In the end, I’m comfortable with myself and with my conscience.

16.   Are you going out of town soon?

Nope. I don’t think so.

17.   When was the last time you cried?

About two weeks ago.

18.   Have you ever told someone you loved them?

Yes :)

19.   If you could change your eye color, would you?

Hmm… yeah. I used to wear hazel contact lenses and if I could I would change my eye color to hazel. :)

20.   Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

A boy… Hmm… Nope.

21.   Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

My day was nice. But if I had to say something I dislike about today is that I didn’t get to see him. And I really want to see him!

22.   Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

I think it’s adorable. I truly love that more than anything. <3 nbsp="">

23.   Are you dating the last person you talked to?

Nope.

24.   What are you sitting on right now?

I’m laying in bed.

25.   Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

Yes :) my friends do that all the time.

26.   Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Hmm… maybe. I’m not really sure that was the exact case.

27.   Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

My dad.

28.   Do you get a lot of colds?

I do! But lately I haven’t got them, and that’s cool :)

29.   Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

Tommy Hilfiger.

30.   Does anyone hate you?

Yeah. I think so.

31.   Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

Hahaha nop.

32.   Do you like watching scary movies?

I HATE scary movies, but I love psychological thrillers.

33.   Do you want your tongue pierced?

NEVER.

34.   If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

I’d never do that even if I had the chance. But if I had to choose, it’d probably be 2011.. It was kind of “whatever”… But in that year I met Jesús, so it was worth it. Like I said… I’d never delete one year.

35.   Did you have a dream last night?

Yes. It was so intense that it woke me up but now I don’t remember it.

36.   When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

I’m not sure. I have this thing with my best friend, that I swore I’d never tell her I loved her. It’s just stupid but I try not to hahaha. But she knows it anyway :)

37.   Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

When I’m 25? I’d love to! But I’ll still be in college so maybe not… who knows…

38.   Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Yes.

39.   Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Probably yes… probably not.

40.   Did you have a good day yesterday?

Yes :) Yesterday, I went shopping with some money I gained from a job I did. So it was indeed nice.

41.   Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

In January? No…

42.   In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

Yup. Tomorrow I’m seeing my best friend at college.

43.   Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes.

44.   What’s the best part about school?

I think it’s being with your friends and learning. I love learning. <3 o:p="">

45.   Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

Haha, yeah.

46.   Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

I used to do that before cell phones. Now I just text them or talk to them normally.

47.   Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

ALWAYS. So much, every day.

48.   Were you single over the last summer?

Yesss. Stop it with these questions. I’ve been single for more than a year haha.

49.   Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

Like 2013? It’s totally the opposite. I graduated from high school that year and I was in a long relationship. So no… My life is not anything like it was two years ago.

50.   What are you supposed to be doing right now?

Maybe, washing my hair.

51.   Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

No! I’m actually talking to my best guy friend :) So I totally love him. (Felix)

52.   Are you nice to everyone?

I try to.

53.   Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yup.

54.   Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

I’d never cheat. That’s just horrible.

55.   Are you good at hiding your feelings?

That depends, but most of the time I’m really good at hiding them.

56.   Do you think you like someone?

I’m really like a guy named Andres at my college, but we’re taking it easy. There’s no rush.

57.   Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

No.

58.   Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

I get along better with boys. It’s usually Angela and me with a bunch of guys. I just hate all the drama among most of girls. But there are exceptions and I love my two girl best friends :)

59.   Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

Yes.

60.   Do you hate anyone?

No. :)

61.   How’s your heart?

Bruised. But still beating and wanting to love again.

62.   Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

Yes. About my childhood.

63.   Have you ever cried over a guy?

Many times.

64.   Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

Maybe Andrea R. Or not. I don’t know.

65.   Are your toenails painted pink?

It’s like a dusty pink, so yeah :)

66.   Will your next kiss be a mistake?

I hope not.

67.   Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

I saw my ex cry many times, but I didn’t “love it”. It broke my heart. I think that girls might love it when their boyfriends cry because it shows that they’re comfortable doing it in front of them and that deep down they’re sensitive. But I already knew that of my ex, so I didn’t like it when he cried.

68.   Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

NO.

69.   Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

My dad.

70.   How do you look right now?

I’m sitting cross-legged in my bed with my laptop.

71.   Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

Yes, my two best friends: Adriana and Angela. :)

72.   Can you commit to one person?

Totally.

73.   Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

Hmm… Yeah. I’m pretty close to my best guy friend.

74.   Have you ever felt replaced?

Yup.

75.   Did you wake up cranky?

Today? Maybe… I wanted to keep sleeping, but I’ve been crankier that today hahaha.

76.   Are you a jealous person?

No. But I’ve been sometimes.

77.   Are relationships ever worth it?

I think that if you know how to carry a relationship they’re totally worth it even if you don’t get to marry that person. You always learn from those experiences.

78.   Anyone you’re giving up on?

Not that I’m aware of.

79.   Currently wanting to see anyone?

YASSS! I really want to see Andres (they guy I’m crushing on), but I have to wait until April 20^th. :(

80.   Name something you have to do tomorrow?

Go to class.

81.   Last person you cried in front of?

I don’t know. Maybe my dad.

82.   Is there someone you will never forget?

There are many people I’ll never forget.

83.   Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

Yes.

84.   If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

Talking and cuddling all night long.

85.   Are you over your past?

I’ve moved on. But sometimes I have recurrent memories that make me want to go back to the past.

86.   Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

I think so.

87.   Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

Yes.

88.   If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

I think I have a different meaning of TRUE love. But if that means my first boyfriend… I’d never take him back.

89.   So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

Hahaha, yeah. It’d be weird, but I’d be so curious at why is he at my door a 3AM that I’d totally let him in.

90.   Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

No.

91.   Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

I don’t think so. But AGAIN, I’d really like to be with this guy… so who knows…

92.   Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

Nope.

93.   Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

No…

94.   Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

NO!

95.   Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

It’s March… So… Yeah, I’m happy with the person I like right now.

96.   Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

Hahaha, no.

97.   Who do you have texts from?

Right now? From my best guy friend Felix :)

98.   If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I don’t know what I’d say, but I’d be totally brokenhearted. :(

99.   Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yes. 2 years older.

100.  Who’s in your profile picture with you?

No one. I’m all by myself :)

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

No…

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

I’m feeling butterflies every time I see this guy. So hard that I can barely breathe.

Je ne sais pas si je suis courageuse ou seulement naïve

Alternativas al verbo «dijo» en los diálogos

En las asesorías literarias me hacen esta pregunta una y otra vez: ¿qué otro verbo puedo usar para mis diálogos que no sea «dijo»? Es normal abusar de este cuando se comienza en la escritura y también pecar de erudito cuando se buscan sinónimos demasiado cultos. Ni una cosa ni la otra están bien. Unas veces el personaje, en efecto, «dirá»; pero en otras exclamará, gritará, advertirá… y así sucesivamente.

Al momento de escribir, trata de enriquecer la expresión de tus personajes con otros verbos que sirven de alternativa al tan usado «dijo». Y que conste, no es que usarlo esté mal, al contrario, muchas veces el lector pasa de largo y ni siquiera se detiene en esta palabra, pero repito que lo que buscamos es enriquecer el texto.

Cuando escribas, no tienes que prestarle tanta atención, pero en tus correcciones puedes optar por reemplazar el verbo “decir” por otros más precisos o por formas verbales más variadas. Recuerda tener en cuenta la persona o el personaje al que te refieres, ¿cómo dice lo que dice?

A continuación enlisto distintas alternativas que puedes usar según la situación o la emoción:

1. Estando sereno: estableció, comunicó, anunció, agregó, comentó, informó, aclaró, indicó, reveló, criticó, expresó, expuso, señaló, apuntó…
2. Pregunta: preguntó, inquirió, averiguó, indagó, solicitó, suplicó, rogó, cuestionó, investigó…
3. Respuesta: respondió, replicó, contestó, explicó, reconoció, confesó, contó, se disculpó…
4. Alegremente: bromeó, cantó, rio, se maravilló, gorjeó, celebró, se alegró, imitó, bufoneó, ovacionó, ironizó, alabó, loó, aplaudió…
5. A volumen alto: gritó, chilló, aulló, exclamó, llamó, tronó, vociferó, berreó, increpó…
6. A volumen bajo: masculló, murmuró, susurró, musitó, cuchicheó…
7. Preocupado o nervioso: se inquietó, tembló, se estremeció, balbuceó, titubeó, tartamudeó, vaciló, flaqueó…
8. Enojado: alegó, discutió, se ofendió, se molestó, espetó, se defendió, ladró, rabió, rugió, despotricó, bramó, gruñó, reprochó, refunfuñó, recriminó…
9. Triste: lloró, lloriqueó, sollozó, gimió, gimoteó, se quejó, se entristeció, se lamentó…
10. Autoritario: dispuso, dirigió, mandó, ordenó, insistió, decretó, dictaminó, presagió, decidió, puntualizó…
11. Para sus adentros: pensó, se preguntó, consideró, sopesó, reflexionó, meditó, recordó…
12. Otros: suspiró, repuso, asintió, afirmó, aprobó, sugirió, corrigió, advirtió, vaticinó, enfureció, sentenció, rechinó, cedió, concedió, se sorprendió, aventuró, matizó, filosofó, previno, exhaló, objetó, accedió, babeó, declaró, manifestó, aseveró, rectificó, recitó...

Apuesto a que esta lista te servirá de ayuda en tu proceso de escritura. Si lo deseas, déjame en los comentarios cualquier otro verbo a modo de sugerencia y lo añado. :)

http://www.cafeteradeletras.com/2015/02/alternativas-verbo-dijo-dialogos.html#sthash.4DSprY50.dpuf

How it is to be young in Venezuela?

By Vanessa Brito Canzonieri

Life in Venezuela is so different from Norway that it was a challenge to come up with a way of summarize it. I tried to think of how to explain how it is hard economically, socially or politically. All those topics are too broad and, the truth to be told, I can’t say I fully understand them. So I decided for a different approach. After all, information about my country, like every other, is two clicks away. Instead of pretending I know better I will tell something only I can say.

I came to Norway because I had the amazing opportunity to attend to ISFiT, the international student festival in Trondheim. I heard the speeches of the most astonishing people, including the Dalai Lama. But, that was not the most impressive thing I heard during those days. One of the guys from my workshop was from Syria and he told me his story. Afterwards he said he didn’t like to talk about it because it hurts too much, but he did it anyway. That changed the way I see Syria, but also the way I see people and even myself. So, that’s what I’m going to do today. Tell a personal story, that of course won’t be as haunting as the Syrian war, but hopefully it will stay with you for longer than some data, numbers and facts.

I’m going to tell you how it was the first time I got robbed. These stories are common in Venezuela, when and how you got robbed. We would often make fun out it, but I won’t make this one funny. I have never told this to anyone, at least not the complete version.

I was 15 years old, that was 9 years ago. I was going back home from the English course I took after classes. I took the bus and sat by the window, since I have always liked to watch cars and people walk by. A guy sat next to me. He was thin and seemed like he had aged a great deal in too little time. He was restless and anxious. I connected these things with nothing, I just recall I didn’t like him. He ask several questions that I answer vaguely. Then he asked: “do you wanna see something?” and I didn’t, but I replayed “ok”. Maybe because I didn’t want to upset him. He pulled a gun out of his jacket.  A long beige old revolver, maybe it was too old, maybe it didn’t even work. But it was indeed a gun and he had his finger on the trigger.

He said: “it’s fine, I just need to solve something with those guys back there. That’s how it is”.  I said “ok” again and looked back to the window wishing really hard he would go for those guys back there, and not me… He didn’t. He wanted to test how I would react, but more than anything he wanted to show me the gun. So when he pressed the gun against my ribs, I would know for sure what it was and that his finger was on the trigger. I never panicked, I felt numb and slow. Afterward he said: “Don’t look at me and give me everything you have”. I only had my phone and some cash, but it was a camera phone and back then it was really cool thing. I gave the things to him.

Then he made me open my notebook, a pink hello kitty notebook that I had just used to take notes in my class. He told me to write. He demanded that I would write my name and all my relatives’ names, where they work and my addresses. How  I kept my head cold I have no idea, but everything I wrote was fake; a collage of information of many people’s life. He took the page and said: “if you ever tell this to anyone, I’ll hunt you down. I’ll rape you, I’ll kill you and all your family”. For a moment I felt a little like I won. I wasn’t more powerful than him, but I was more clever.

He leaned forwards to stand up, but then he changed his mind. “Wait a minute” he said, “aren’t you hiding anything from me?”  Then I felt my heart pumping crazy fast. He didn’t mean that I was lying, though. He leaned towards me. He touched my breast because he wanted to make sure I wasn’t hiding cash in my bra. That was the first time a guy ever did that to me. So I lost, being clever means nothing when you’re powerless.

When he left, the bus was empty because people had noticed what was happening. In Venezuela that doesn’t mean they’ll try to help, call the police or do anything whatsoever. It means they’ll discretely leave. Just like I had wished he would go for the guys back there. “Let it be anyone but me” is the common behavior. It’s really hard to blame them. I only cried when I got home, after walking numbly. I never went to the police. In the first place because it’s a too small crime so they would not care, after all I didn’t have a scratch. And second, because going to the police seems to be the most efficient way for these guys to find you again. They’ll pay their way out of justice and then they’ll go after you.

For a while I was too scared to go out alone. I wouldn’t go anywhere if my parents didn’t drive me and picked me up. But, I was missing out life. I was caged. Like the teenager I was, I took a radical decision. Instead of being afraid of everything, I became afraid of nothing. I grew up as a reckless and unattached person. I was aware that disaster was around the corner everyday. I was conscience that the things in my pockets in the morning might not belong to me anymore when I come back home. I still am. The line of danger is very hard to draw when stepping out of a house, it means this kind of risk. But I have to live. 

On 24th of February this year, a 14 years old boy was killed by the police because he was in a protest (http://goo.gl/4akVTC).  People in Venezuela and around the world is outraged about it, but in Venezuela kids are far too often exposed to weapons. Even when it is a political crisis, and repression and violence are higher that ever, this is not something new. Venezuelan youth are unprotected, life itself is unsafe. Last year there were 25000 violent deaths in this country. In a way, growing old is a matter of chance.

My generation has no future, simply because the future is too dark of a place to think about. Survival and sanity requires to stay present. We might have goals, dreams and hopes, but never plans. We live day by day. Our victories are the small ones.

https://martineretting.wordpress.com/2015/03/05/how-it-is-to-be-young-in-venezuela/