Dear Future "The One"

I was very hurt when my first relationship ended up. And I think that I didn’t get over it for a year and a half or maybe two years. Since then I was terrified about loving someone again, because I didn’t want to get hurt again. I didn’t want to be vulnerable to someone. I was strong, I think I really loved being single at that time. And then there came this guy, who was really interested in being with me. But I didn’t like him at first, there was something about him that told me that we weren’t going to work out. However, he kept “fighting” for me, and after a year I gave up and said “yes”.

We had a “nice” relationship. It had a lot of really beautiful things, but a lot of ugly secrets going on too. I was forced to breaking up with him and I was devastated. I cried a lot. I haven’t been that hurt since my first break up. For many reasons, I almost had no friends, and I kind of kept losing them within months. I felt alone and had no one to talk to except from my parents and only like 4 friends (2 of them live 400-600 kms away, and one had just left to Boston for 6 months).

I needed months to recover myself from it. I literally felt like every little part of me was hurt, was burning. I even had panic attacks and cried myself to sleep. Anyway… when I finally got over it (I think I kind of have), I felt he left me with a major craving of a deep love: A true love. I think that maybe I’ve never wanted so bad to find “the one”.

I don’t know if I’ve had already met you, but I want you to know that I love you. I love you since now.

I don’t know if I’m ready to be with you to love you fully, and the way you deserve to be loved.

I don’t know if I’ve learned enough, but I hope I have because there’s nothing I would want more than to be with you, this year. I want to love you and be with you as soon as possible.

I want to look back in many, many years, and be happy because I was one of the lucky ones who found the love of their lives at a young age.

But… I know that maybe I need to be single for a while. And learn how to be by myself again, and truly enjoy it. Because I am me before I’m yours. And you can’t love me if I’m not loving myself first.

Please, let yourself be found.

“You don’t know, but that’s okay

You might find me anyway

Don’t you know that I belong arm in arm with you, baby?

In a town that’s cold and gray

We will have a sunny day.

Don’t you know that I belong arm in arm with you, baby?”

-B.