Dear future lover of mine

Esta carta fue la inspiración para mi propia carta. Sin embargo, aunque sinceramente intenté hacer bien la mía, esta es mucho más realista y creo que podría relatar mejor lo que pienso (y lo que debería pensar).

Dear You,

I don’t know your name. I don’t know who you are or where you are or when we will ever meet. I don’t know whether or not you are already in my life somewhere. I don’t even know if you exist in this lifetime. I’d like to believe you’re walking this earth someplace, but sometimes I’m not sure if I even believe in the idea of fate and romance anymore. Maybe you can save me from myself.

If you are in this lifetime and on this planet though, I hope I don’t meet you anytime soon. I have a lot to learn and I will probably hurt you, because I don’t know yet that you are the one who will make me happy.

I’ve been through a lot. But while I wish you could have been there with me, I know you will be proud of me because of how strong I turned out to be and all the things I made it through without you. See, I had to be alone for a while so I’d know what I’m capable of. And so I’d appreciate having someone like you more.

I like being single right now because all my time is mine. I need to be single for a while so I will not regret not having this kind of freedom in the future. When I’m yours, I’ll be completely yours because I had this time to be mine.

But sometimes I miss being in love. There are days when I wish you can get here faster just so I can have the kind of love that I’ve been waiting for since what feels like forever. But I guess it’s better that you’re not here yet because I don’t know how to be with you right now. I’ll probably say a lot of really stupid things and scare you away.

You won’t just the love of my life, you will also be my best friend in the world. I’d always thought of all my old loves as best friends at the time, but I don’t think I ever really knew what that meant. I love that I will be able to tell you anything and everything and know that you will be the one person in the world who understands.

We won’t always get along and we will more-than-possibly get into some really ugly fights, but I know that in the end, we can make it through because nothing is more important than learning and growing together.

We are probably different people with diverse interests, and that’s a good thing. We will make time for what is important to the other because we like making each other happy. Of course, there will be things that we enjoy doing together. We will spend some days curled up with a blanket and books or popcorn and a good movie. Braveheart will always be a favorite between us, and reruns of FRIENDS will take up some of our lazy Sundays. But we will spend most of our time going around the world together, seeing places we’ve only once dreamed of traveling to.

We both love to talk and laugh, and we will spend a lot of our time getting to know each other. Even when we’ve been together 20 years, we will always find something new about the other or reminisce about the people we once had to be to get there. And while I will probably roll my eyes at your jokes, I will also smile just because it’s so cute how you tried to tell the punch line.

You’ve probably loved a girl (or more) before me, and that’s okay. I’m sorry though if you’ve gotten hurt and I wasn’t there to make you feel better. I’ve been in love before you, too, and I’ve also gotten my heart broken and feel like nobody could really understand. It will take a long time before I can let anyone else in again, and maybe you feel the same way. It will be better to find each other after going through all that, just so we will both know how to not take being in love for granted.

We’ve both become better people separately, something I will always be thankful for. And because of all the pain we have to go through before we meet, we will both realize then that we deserve that happiness and we deserve each other.

I don’t know what you look like but I know you have kind eyes and a genuine smile. I don’t know what you do for a living but I know that you will have time for me. I don’t know you, but I know that you can give me hug when I’m down, hold my hand for no reason and kiss me just because you love me.

There’s a possibility though, that you don’t exist, and I’m writing this letter for no one. But in spite of all the cynicism I’m entitled to, I have to believe that you’re out there somewhere. I have to believe that all the heartache I’d ever had to endure will someday lead me to you. I have to believe that God created you because He knew I would need you. And while I know I’m a complete person on my own, I have to believe that someone like you exists, someone who might not complete me, but can make life better. More beautiful. More colorful. A man who can make me believe in love again.

I don’t know who you are or if I’ll ever find you, but I wish with all my heart that you’re out there, waiting, just like I am.

I know that someday I will find you. In this lifetime, or the next, I will find you.

Yours (someday),
Me.

Katrina Tamondong.

Dear Future "The One"

I was very hurt when my first relationship ended up. And I think that I didn’t get over it for a year and a half or maybe two years. Since then I was terrified about loving someone again, because I didn’t want to get hurt again. I didn’t want to be vulnerable to someone. I was strong, I think I really loved being single at that time. And then there came this guy, who was really interested in being with me. But I didn’t like him at first, there was something about him that told me that we weren’t going to work out. However, he kept “fighting” for me, and after a year I gave up and said “yes”.

We had a “nice” relationship. It had a lot of really beautiful things, but a lot of ugly secrets going on too. I was forced to breaking up with him and I was devastated. I cried a lot. I haven’t been that hurt since my first break up. For many reasons, I almost had no friends, and I kind of kept losing them within months. I felt alone and had no one to talk to except from my parents and only like 4 friends (2 of them live 400-600 kms away, and one had just left to Boston for 6 months).

I needed months to recover myself from it. I literally felt like every little part of me was hurt, was burning. I even had panic attacks and cried myself to sleep. Anyway… when I finally got over it (I think I kind of have), I felt he left me with a major craving of a deep love: A true love. I think that maybe I’ve never wanted so bad to find “the one”.

I don’t know if I’ve had already met you, but I want you to know that I love you. I love you since now.

I don’t know if I’m ready to be with you to love you fully, and the way you deserve to be loved.

I don’t know if I’ve learned enough, but I hope I have because there’s nothing I would want more than to be with you, this year. I want to love you and be with you as soon as possible.

I want to look back in many, many years, and be happy because I was one of the lucky ones who found the love of their lives at a young age.

But… I know that maybe I need to be single for a while. And learn how to be by myself again, and truly enjoy it. Because I am me before I’m yours. And you can’t love me if I’m not loving myself first.

Please, let yourself be found.

“You don’t know, but that’s okay

You might find me anyway

Don’t you know that I belong arm in arm with you, baby?

In a town that’s cold and gray

We will have a sunny day.

Don’t you know that I belong arm in arm with you, baby?”

-B.